Novels
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Available from Lulu.com in print or as download. Sample pages |
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Sally enters the Cooks' Academy at the age of 34. Two husbands under her belt, she has waved the latest lover goodbye, and is ready to take on whatever fate throws at her. Coping with the demands of her two children - Cleo - the "Angel from Heaven" who turns out to be anything but, and "Bloody Alex", her out of control twelve year old son, who sleeps by day and roams the streets by night, plus the punishing schedule set by the charismatic - but deadly - Dr Fisher - would be more than enough for most people, but Sal's problems don't stop there! Hounded by Social Security, persecuted by Dastardly Derek, a landlord with a penchant for wrecking houses with the tenants still in them, tormented by her growing obsession with the sexually rampant Dr Fisher, Sal muddles through life with no very clear idea of what or where she wants to be - apart from her overwhelming conviction that the kitchen is her 'spiritual home'. The adventures of Sally and her fellow students as they struggle to understand why they are constantly told they will all pass, even though the lecturers seem to talk about nothing but sex, and the very real hard work they do in the kitchen, are told at a fast, racy pace - the way Sally lives her life. Apart from anything else, this is an interesting commentary on social conditions in the nineteen seventies and the struggle of a single mother to surmount them. Whatever you think of Sally's morals, you can't help admiring her guts, her determination to stay the pace . . . . and her cracking love life! |
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Available from Lulu.com in print or as download. Sample pages Now available on Amazon uk and Amazon.com
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Sally moves on in this fast-paced second volume of her adventures. Handed a certificate of competence by the Cooks' Academy and slung onto the job market at the ripe age of 35, Sal wonders who on earth is going to employ someone so over-qualified and under-experienced. So when Cyril Groot, the World's Ugliest Man, reveals that there is a vacancy for a cook at the Zoo where he is doing a summer season, Sal jumps at it. Leaving her offspring on her mother's doorstep, with a £10 note pinned to their clothing, Sal takes off for the wilds of North Yorkshire, where she quickly finds that the chefs are more dangerous than the animals! Sweating in the intense heat of one of the hottest summers on record, Sal develops muscles as she rolls pastry for pies that would gladden the heart of Desperate Dan. The kitchen is a pretty fair approximation to Hell–and, as the beer-swilling Head Chef tells her - “If you can stand this you can stand anything” – he should know, he is the worst thing in it. After hours, Sal quickly homes in on the nightly ‘cabaret’ – a bizarre re-enactment of a 17th century hanging said to have taken place on that very spot, where a bunch of lads from the local village dress up and kick hell out of each other in the name of art. Sal’s arrival stirs up some interesting sub-currents as the Victim and the Jailer compete for her attention.All too soon the school holidays arrive and the notorious Cleo and Alex escape from their grandmother’s clutches and head for the zoo – posing Sal a problem, not least in the romance department, Cleo now an extremely beautiful fifteen year old, knocking her mother into the shade, and throwing the monkeys into fits of jealousy when their keeper gets the hots for her. Life never runs smoothly, but Sally gets what she can out of it, as always! Be prepared for sex and humour, and a different take on life. |
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Available from Lulu.com in print or as download. Sample pages Now available on Amazon uk and Amazon.com
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Sally is at the peak of her career when she makes a disastrous decision to take on the challenge of managing the catering at a sports and leisure complex. When she arrives for the interview the place is not even half built. Stumbling over bricks and planks on the building site she enters a dingy caravan and falls in love with the biggest rogue she will ever have the misfortune to meet. Jimmy Pinchbeck on his day off, rough, bearded, and covered in cement dust, is just what she has been looking for. For Jimmy, nuts about Abba and crazy for blondes, she is his dream come true - and when she reveals she can cook, he is hooked. Sally however, knows instinctively that the job is not what it is cracked up to be, but takes it anyway when it becomes clear it is the only way of getting to see anything of Jimmy. What follows is a trial of strength between two people hopelessly in love with their diametrical opposites. Jimmy, the archetypal conman, and Sally the dedicated chef with the highest work ethic in the business. Read about shenanigans with staff and jollies in the jacuzzi as the sports club lurches from one financial crisis to another and Jimmy talks his way out of everything while Sally struggles to hold the catering enterprise together and defend her staff from his depredations. You will adore Anna, the trainee girl chef who has Sally's heart fluttering, bust a gut laughing at the antics of Hector, the hilarious guest house owner whose establishment Sally books into, and be intrigued by the machinations of Michael, the mysterious undercover Irish joiner. Not forgetting . . . . "Jimmy Pinchbeck, the most Faustian character I ever met, every time I go to Lancashire I expect to bump into him strolling down the street, cigar clamped between his teeth and a blonde on each arm . . . . an unforgettable creation - George Melly." |
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